


through my grievous fault

by seocago



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: BLOODY BUT NOT GOREY, Drug Withdrawal, Hurt/Comfort, I hope?, M/M, Mutual Pining, Vampire!Jaehyun, fluff?????, happy ending i swear these two are stupid, idiots? to lovers, in which vampire blood causes addiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-03
Updated: 2020-11-03
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:34:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27371995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seocago/pseuds/seocago
Summary: There was something about being the sole focus of Jaehyun's attention that was frightening and thrilling all at once. Johnny wanted to comply, and so he did. Biting his bottom lip out of habit as he slowly took his jacket off—holding it behind his back, hiding his shaking hands from Jaehyun’s view.He needed his dose. He needed his dose or else his body would feel like it’d tear itself apart from the insides, leaving him with excruciating pain he wished he would never feel again.
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Suh Youngho | Johnny
Comments: 5
Kudos: 58





	through my grievous fault

**Author's Note:**

> I. sure, as hell, don't know what I was writing but I know I had to get this done. I,, ((clenches fists)) happy reading!

Jaehyun had never liked the crowds.

He might have forgotten how to describe pain; but there was something quite close to that, imaginary pain happening all inside his head whenever he found himself in the sea of people. Alive or undead, the noise of a party to him would always sound the same. Heightened, even. 

His ears would pick up the sounds around him all too well—like shreds of broken glass, piercing through his head. And with his vampire senses? It was, for sure, chaotic.

Centuries of experience had made him learn how to control his expression. Being a lone vampire with no clan, parties were essential for him to survive. He needed the connection, befriending the night children alike in case something bad happened.

He also needed his supply of blood. At a special bar for his kin, he could find that rather easily.

He could order a warm glass of blood—or iced even, at the bar for dine in. And for stocks, there were dealers. Providing him bags of fresh blood in many types to choose from.

“I’d like five bags of Os,” said Jaehyun.

“The usual?” Taeyong crinkled his nose. Taking notes in his phone as he said, “You know you can just call for repeat orders, right? The bags would be delivered anyway, either you come here or not.” He then put his phone back into his jeans pocket, mumbling, “You didn’t even try to socialize.”

“I have you.” Jaehyun shrugged, nonchalant. He took a sip from his glass before setting it down on the table, leaning closer to the younger vampire—two years older than him in human age, centuries younger in vampire age. “So what’s the hot topic these days?”

“Me. I’m hot.” Taeyong snorted. “Who in their right mind would come to a freaking bar just to talk to their blood dealers? Unless their blood dealers are hot. So conclusion: I’m hot.”

Jaehyun tilted his head, about to come with an answer but Taeyong beat him to it.

“I was kidding.”

Jaehyun gave him a curt nod, gesturing for him to continue.

Taeyong sighed, giving up quite easily as he took a look around, leaning closer after he found what he wanted to see. “You see that over there?”

Jaehyun followed his gaze, wincing slightly at the sight of a full table on the corner of the bar. They were chattering, so full of life. He even felt like he was imagining things because he could swear some of their cheeks looked tinted pink—blushing. 

Blush and vampire were never meant to be put in the same sentence. Undeads don’t have _that kind_ of blood. They weren’t supposed to blush.

It was not until he saw one man approaching; handing money to one of them and led the chosen one into the second floor that he realized what he was seeing. Oh how he hoped he was wrong.

“The humans are back at it,” said Taeyong, shaking his head rather disapprovingly as he leaned back on his seat. “I bet they think being a bloodstock is some kind of a cool adventure. You know, wild fantasy.”

Jaehyun froze.

He didn’t even need air; but it felt like he was running out of it. Suffocating.

It couldn’t be. It shouldn’t be.

“I thought it was supposed to be illegal?” Jaehyun asked once he found his voice back, eyes never leaving the group of humans.

“Yeah. But that law was like, what, from hundred years ago?” Taeyong frowned. Grinning right after, punching Jaehyun on the shoulder. “And you know how rules are just meant to be broken.”

The children of the night had a set of laws to abide by, with punishments to those who violated them. It was once not against the law for a vampire to feed on a human, as it doesn't really hurt them. Instead, the healing properties of vampire saliva would help humans to live longer; increasing their red blood cell count, making them stronger and healthier. 

But when they had been fed vampire blood, they would be half-turned. 

They would be craving for more, whole body drawn to the place where they had received the blood. 

Not getting their dose for a long time would cause them great pain, severe symptoms of withdrawal that might lead them to their own deaths. And no, they wouldn’t return to the world as a vampire. It needed a much more complicated process to become one. They have to die first; all drained out of blood and buried in the ground to be reborn.

Out of all people, Jaehyun would know. The pain. The agony.

“What’s with that look?” asked Taeyong, turning his gaze to look at where Jaehyun was looking. “Think of getting some?”

Jaehyun gritted his teeth, hands balled into a fist. “I want that one,” he said, gesturing his chin at the tall guy with an oversized denim jacket.

Taeyong, definitely not expecting to hear that, let out a soft gasp. Asking, “You want to drink off a living human?”

“I want that one, Taeyong,” Jaehyun said, pitching his voice low. “Right now.”

There was opaqueness to Jaehyun sometimes that made it hard for Taeyong to tell whether he was being serious or not. But this time, it was written clearly all over his face. He wanted him.

Being a good friend that he was, Taeyong fished out his room key out of his pocket. “Second floor, my room,” he said, grinning as he got up from his seat and threw the key to Jaehyun, who caught it easily. “Go up. I’ll take care of the boy.”

And so Jaehyun did. He could have booked a room for himself, but the thoughts of having to make the boy wait longer made him sick. He needed to be with him. Quick.

The room was rather small, equipped by a single-sized bed and a bathroom. These rooms on the second floor weren’t meant for a long stay anyway, he would just wire Taeyong his fee for the night. And his fee for the boy.

The boy, who was now standing in front of him—looking unsure of what to do as he closed the door behind him. Jaehyun had left it open when he first entered.

“Are you, uh.. Mr. Sexyhot?” the boy asked, eyes wide.

He was taller than Jaehyun expected him to be. Upon hearing this, he frowned. “Mr. Sexyhot?”

“Yeah.” He nodded, quite wanting to shrink under his gaze. “Someone just paid me a huge amount of cash and told me that Mr. Sexyhot, uh. Is waiting for me.. In this room?”

Jaehyun didn’t answer. Making the boy take some steps back and said, “Or I.. might have gotten the wrong room number.”

When he turned around and reached for the door knob, Jaehyun finally opened his mouth; “Stay.”

The boy complied. Stopping his hand and slowly turning back around to face him. “Are you Mr. Sexyhot?” He asked again, making sure. Jaehyun mentally cursed Taeyong in his head.

A slight nod of the head was enough to make the boy sighed in relief, corners of his lips tugging up into a smile as he spoke, “I’m Johnny.”

“Take off your jacket,” said Jaehyun in return.

Johnny was hesitant. “I think we can go on still with my jacket on?” He tilted his head, baring his neck for Jaehyun to see as he pulled his jacket sleeve lower to hide both of his hands.

Jaehyun was unmoving; waiting.

There was something about being the sole focus of his attention that was frightening and thrilling all at once. Johnny wanted to comply, and so he did. Biting his bottom lip out of habit as he slowly took his jacket off—holding it behind his back, hiding his shaking hands from Jaehyun’s view.

He needed his dose. He needed his dose or else his body would feel like it’d tear itself apart from the insides, leaving him with excruciating pain he wished he would never feel again.

"When was the last time you drank?"

Johnny chuckled, taken aback by the question. He asked, "Like, booze? I had a few shots downstairs." 

"Blood," Jaehyun answered, taking a few steps closer before holding up his palm. "Your hand."

Blood. He didn't expect Jaehyun would know. But his whole body would start to ache any time soon, and he wouldn't want that to happen. 

He moved his jacket, holding it with one hand as he put his another one on top of Jaehyun's. "How'd you know I drank blood?" He asked, voice shaking but also clear and firm. 

"Someone fed you." Jaehyun closed his hand around the human's, holding it with such gentleness that made Johnny shiver. His skin felt cold against his, but he didn't pull away. He asked again, "When was the last time you drank?"

"Last.. night," he answered.

Jaehyun looked at him, contemplating. He noticed the bruises on his arms, the lack of sleep in his eyes. His best guess was that the boy had tried to stop his urge; hurting himself in the process and giving up soon after.

"I'm going to hold you on that bed," said Jaehyun, glancing toward the said bed before focusing back on Johnny's face. Saying, "And you're gonna have to trust me."

Johnny's breath hitched. Hopeful when he asked, "Are you going to feed me your blood?" 

The vampire shook his head. Giving him a small comforting smile as he said, "I'm not going to feed on you either."

That didn't sound comforting at all.

Johnny's black hair was sticking to his forehead, damp with sweat. Jaehyun wanted to reach out but held himself back from doing so. Instead he said, "You're going to feel pain really soon."

Johnny knew; and the mere thoughts of it made his insides churn. "No," he tried to argue. "Please."

"You've paid me money." His voice shook, eyes full of desperation. "At least feed on me. Make the pain go away. Please."

He didn't even realize he was crying until Jaehyun reached for his cheek, wiping the tears away. "I'm going to hold you on that bed," Jaehyun stated. "I'll keep you from not hurting yourself. And you'll be under my watch until you're clean." 

"Johnny," he called, voice soft as he ran his thumb over his cheek. "Do you trust me?"

Johnny wanted to. He wanted to, so bad. There was no cure that he's known of, no doctors would be able to handle him. He tried. They found nothing wrong with his body, even when he begged to be healed. And whenever he wanted to stop, he had always given up before the real pain striked. 

He would always give up whenever his hands started to shake. Trembling, in the back seat of a cab heading to a bar only visible in selected visitor's eyes. He would then sit on his usual table, waiting for someone to choose him.

On his lucky days, they would let him drink their blood with no further questions. On his unlucky days? He had to beg. Offering what he had to give, even letting himself almost get sucked dry once in exchange for some vampire blood. He woke up in the hospital the next day; curious eyes on him wondering where his blood had gone. No wounds. No scars.

"What do I have to offer?" He managed to ask, unconsciously leaning into the cold touch on his skin. His body started to feel hot—burning. Signs that it was all about to start. "What is it that you.." he paused, breath ragged. "Want?"

"For you to have a choice," Jaehyun said with absolute clarity. "And for that, you have to trust me."

He lost his grip on his jacket, letting it fall to the floor as he held up his hand for Jaehyun to take. Croaking out, "Help me."

"With all my might." Jaehyun took his hand, pulling him closer before gathering him into his arms; the movement was swift, but the nausea was overwhelming when Johnny's feet no longer touched the ground. He held on to Jaehyun, eyes shut tight. 

The bed creaked under their weight. He could feel the lumpy mattress against his back when Jaehyun set him down, finding himself guided into a sitting position and back rested against Jaehyun's body soon after. His arms around him.

"Too.. hot." Johnny tugged at the hem of his shirt, wriggling in Jaehyun's grip. 

"Do you want it off?"

He nodded, and Jaehyun helped him take the piece of clothing off. He then ripped himself out of his own shirt, throwing it somewhere on the floor.

"All the veins in your body would hurt," Jaehyun said, voice soothing. "Your whole body would feel like burning, and you would want to do anything you might to stop the pain." 

Johnny knew how it felt like. It would come slow, but sure. Every inch of his body would burn like there was no end.

"I'm going to hold you and prevent you from doing anything to your chest, where the pain is most severe." Jaehyun held him close, keeping him in place with both arms and whispered, "You have to hold on."

When the pain finally started kicking in, he screamed. Writhing in Jaehyun's arms; begging him to end the pain. Jaehyun stayed true to his words, holding him as he thrashed and tried to break free. 

His hold only loosened when Johnny ran out of strength, body slumped against him, trembling and whimpering. He fell asleep in Jaehyun’s arms, exhausted and in pain. It was only the start—Jaehyun knew it all too well.

The worst part would be when the second wave hits. There would be unexplainable stuff happening in your body, your cells would continue fighting against the impurity. At some moments your heart would stop beating; but you would live. And when it started beating again, your whole body would be confused. It would be an adjustment phase, all over again. The pain would get overwhelmingly unbearable to the point you’d rather gauge your heart out and not be revived. 

He fixed Johnny's position in his arms, reaching to brush the damp hair from his forehead. He had to get him out of here. And so before the sun rose, he called Taeyong. Declaring, “I’m taking him home.”

\--

"You two bonding?" Taeyong asked, trying to stifle his amusement when Jaehyun greeted his sight. He got Johnny in his arms, unconscious and all wrapped up in a blanket. The vampire didn’t even bother to put his own shirt on.

“My ride,” Jaehyun said, reminding why he had called Taeyong in the first place. 

The younger vampire rolled his eyes, gesturing for Jaehyun to follow as he led him downstairs, exiting through the back door. The ride Taeyong had prepared turned out to be his own. He held open the backseat door of his tesla, giving a mock curtsy as he said, “After you, Sir.”

Jaehyun got in, careful not to wake Johnny up. Taeyong shut the door and got into the driver seat soon after. Right before he was about to start the car, he looked at Jaehyun through the rear-view mirror; expression turned serious as he asked, “You’re not going to do anything funny, are you?”

“I’ll have him under my care,” Jaehyun said, eyes not leaving the boy he had put on his lap. “Just until he’s clean.”

Taeyong’s eyes widened, realization dawning upon him. “Did he..?”

He couldn’t even manage to finish his question. He had never seen a darkling before, though the stories were not unheard of. Humans weren’t supposed to drink vampire blood. Unless the vampire wanted to turn them; but then they would have to kill the human right after—not letting them live to suffer with the impure blood in their system. That would be a torture.

“But how?” He continued, this time turning around to look at Jaehyun. “It’s not your blood, is it?”

The accusation was so obvious in his tone that Jaehyun looked back at him with a frown. "You think I'd do that?"

Taeyong tilted his head, almost looking like he was considering the idea before muttering, “No.” The older had become his client ever since he started the job. And no, he was pretty sure Jaehyun wasn’t into _that._ Everything about him looked safe. To put into words, he looked like the kind of guy you’d proudly bring home; knowing completely that your parents would think the same. “You wouldn’t.”

He got back into a proper position, finally starting the engine and asked no further questions as he drove off into the night.

\--

“Can you get me a glass of water?”

Taeyong didn’t even look up from his phone, eyes glued to the game he was playing. He had convinced Jaehyun to let him stay for the night; curious on how he was going to handle the human. But he still hadn’t woken up ever since they arrived.

“Taeyong, water,” Jaehyun said again, voice stern.

“Quite bossy tonight, aren’t you?” Taeyong muttered, finally putting his phone away and got up from his seat. Saying, “Not that I’m complaining. I love money.”

Yes, he also convinced Jaehyun to pay him an hourly fee.

He stalked back into the room with a glass of water, handing it to Jaehyun before crouching down beside his bed. “He looks like he’s having a nightmare,” he said as he took a closer look at Johnny—asleep in Jaehyun’s arms, face contorted with pain.

“Can you hold this for a second?” Jaehyun handed the glass back to him. Taeyong took it, curious eyes still on Johnny.

He watched as Jaehyun fixed the human’s position in his arms. Asking, “Don’t humans need, like, foods or something?”

“Not now,” Jaehyun answered, putting his palm against Johnny’s cheek; caressing it gently so as not to startle him. “Foods would just make it worse. He needs water though.”

“You seem to know a lot about this.. Whole stuff,” Taeyong said. Adding not long after, “Despite it being a rare case.” 

Jaehyun chose to ignore. He leaned closer to Johnny and called for his name. Voice soft as he asked, “Can you hear me?”

Johnny’s answer was incoherent, eyes fixing on him as they fluttered open. Jaehyun managed to make him drink a few gulps before his hand got pushed away and Taeyong was quick to take the glass from him.

“Hot,” Johnny muttered; Jaehyun stopped his hand before he could touch his own chest.

“It will get better,” he tried to convince, holding both of Johnny’s arms by his sides. “Would you like more water?”

The human nodded, and Taeyong instinctively brought the glass up to his lips to help him. Hands held captive, Johnny turned his head when he wanted to stop. Making some of the water spill onto his body.

His throat felt as dry as it could be, but he knew water wasn’t the liquid he needed. 

He looked at Taeyong. Eyes begging when he said, “Drink.” He shook his head when the vampire held up the glass, weakly trying to break free from Jaehyun’s grip.

Taeyong couldn’t even hold himself back as he asked, “Is this the part where he’ll ask for blood?”

That earned him a stare from Jaehyun—and a snarl from Johnny. And when Johnny started to scream his lungs out; writhing from pain in Jaehyun’s arms, Taeyong ran out of the room. He hadn’t returned ever since.

\--

Time passed by in a blur. At some point, Johnny begged for Jaehyun to just end his life. That he couldn’t take it anymore. And Jaehyun would just hold him tighter, whispering soothing words and promising that things will be alright.

The room probably smelled like piss and sweat by now, with Johnny being in constant pain he couldn’t even ask for the toilet. Jaehyun had tried tying him up once, trying to clean the mess and to get some food into his system—but Johnny had cried and begged not to tie him up ever again; and that he was scared. And after that, it would just be his arms around him.

Somewhere in his delirious state, he asked, “Am I bleeding?”

Noticing what Johnny was looking at, Jaehyun shook his head. Saying, “No. That’s my tears.”

Johnny slowly reached out for his cheek, Jaehyun let him. “Why are you crying?” the taller croaked out, wiping blood away from the vampire’s cheek.

“Because you’re hurting,” he answered, voice soft. He turned his face a bit to kiss Johnny’s palm before gently prying his hand away from his cheek, holding it in his. 

Johnny's face was gray with pain and hopelessness, but he sounded sincere when he said, “But I’m no longer hurting.” Then he frowned. “Will I be hurting again?”

He couldn’t promise him anything, so he fixed his position in his arms—trying to keep him as comfortable as he could and whispered, “Sleep.”

Johnny nodded, completely wasted from all the thrashing and kicking.

It was on his fifth day that he could complain, nose crinkled up in distaste; “I stink.”

Jaehyun, who was not expecting this, stifled his laughter and asked, “How are you feeling?”

“Like shit.” Johnny groaned, prying Jaehyun’s arms away from his body. “I think it stopped.”

His insides were no longer fighting, he could feel that. The only pain left would be the bruises from Jaehyun’s hold. 

“Would you like some water?”

“Shower, yes.” He turned to look at Jaehyun, eyes hopeful. “Shower.”

Jaehyun nodded right away, helping Johnny up from the bed and carried him to the bathroom. Johnny didn’t even have the energy to protest. Asking instead, “How do you handle the smell?”

“I just don’t breathe,” said Jaehyun, setting the taller down on his feet once they got into the bathroom. He turned on the bathtub faucet, letting warm water fill the tub up as he turned his focus back to Johnny. “Pants off?”

“Please,” he answered, making Jaehyun get on his knees and helped him out of his pants. 

A whole mess, Johnny thought. He just wanted the ground to swallow him whole. But Jaehyun was patient; leading him to the shower stall and cleaned him up before carrying him to the tub—letting him soak in warm water.

“It’ll help you relax,” he said, reaching out to caress his cheek. “I’ll see what I can do with the bedroom, alright? I’ll be quick.”

He nodded. Watching as Jaehyun left the room and sighed softly, reaching out for soap to scrub himself with it. He missed this. The feeling of being clean.

Jaehyun came back not long after. Announcing, “The bedroom is as good as new.”

The proud look on his face made Johnny smile—a rare sight to behold, after all they’ve been through. Jaehyun couldn’t help but smile. He then asked, “Are you done yet?”

Johnny nodded, so he helped him finish up, gently wiping him dry with a towel before carrying him back to the bed. And he was right. It was as good as new.

Jaehyun had asked him whether he could get dressed on his own, Johnny answered with a roll of the eyes and a light shove on Jaehyun’s body. Saying, “I can also walk by myself but you’re not letting me talk.”

“You’re welcome,” said Jaehyun. And they both laughed. “I’m going to take a shower then. Shout if you need anything?”

The human nodded, wrapping himself tighter with the towel around his body. “Mmkay.”

“Okay.” Jaehyun nodded as well, taking an examining look at Johnny before turning around once he made sure the latter would be alright.

“Mr. Sexyhot?” Johnny called, making Jaehyun stop in his tracks. Turning back around to look at him.

It was only then that he realized he hadn’t told him his name. And so he spoke, “Jaehyun. It’s Jaehyun.”

“Jaehyun,” Johnny tried. Smiling as he continued, “Thank you.”

Jaehyun returned the smile. Giving him a slight nod before disappearing into the bathroom. 

\--

Over dinner, Jaehyun learned that Johnny was a rower; it started as a hobby before he got obsessed with it. He even got into university through his constant wins in solo championships.

“I’ve received so many love calls over the years, you see.” Johnny straightened up, face smug. “But the national team was my goal.”

Jaehyun let out a soft chuckle, gaze fond as he waited for him to continue.

“I.. could have made it,” said Johnny, voice gradually getting lower. He put down his sandwich and said, “I had learned how getting fed on would boost my stamina up. It kinda became my secret weapon, I guess. I’d go to _that_ bar before every match.”

“The night before the final day, a regular offered me to drink.. Her blood. She promised that it would make me feel a thousand times better.” Johnny scrunched his face at the memory. “I remembered clearly how it was. I felt good, as if nothing could stop me. I went to the arena the next day thinking that I could easily bring the trophy home. That I could, finally, get into the national team as I planned.”

“But the moment I got on my boat..”

Jaehyun wanted to reach out, wanted to put his hands on him; but he held himself back.

“My hands.” He put both of his hands on the table, gaze focused on his palms. “They started shaking.”

“I lost my grip on my oars. Multiple times.” Johnny looked up. Saying, “That’s when everything went downhill.”

There was a small smile on his lips—one that didn’t reach the eyes. “I kept finding myself going back to the bar,” he continued. “Wanting more, and more of the blood. And even if I wanted to, I couldn’t stop.”

“Can you describe what she looks like?” Jaehyun asked, hands balling into a fist under the table. “The one who offered you blood.”

“No.” Johnny shook his head. Saying, “I’ve never seen her again after that day, and I couldn’t recall her face even when I tried to concentrate. The memories with her are still.. there, but not intact.”

Jaehyun had expected that, and it took him all his willpower to stay on his chair and not to hunt her down. Whoever it was, he knew he had to find her.

“And now I’m here,” Johnny said, spreading his arms as if to announce his presence. Chuckling. “Pretty fucked up, but alive. I guess that’s one thing to be thankful for.”

He continued to eat his sandwich. Eating well despite protesting that sandwiches weren’t meant for dinner. Munching as he said, “This is pretty good. Did you put blood in it?”

Jaehyun snorted, anger dying down. “You’re crazy.”

“I heard that a lot.” Johnny shrugged nonchalantly. “You’re crazier for taking me in.”

“I might be,” Jaehyun mumbled, making a mental note to look up further into the issue.

\--

“Do you have a kettlebell?” Johnny asked, peeking from the bedroom door.

Jaehyun, seated on the living room coach, glanced at the clock and frowned. “It’s midnight?”

“Yeah. So do you have one?” He made a swinging motion with his hands. Saying, “You know. The one that shaped like a bowling ball, with a handle?”

“I know what a kettlebell is,” Jaehyun muttered. He didn’t, but well. “I have none and you should be asleep.”

Johnny looked like a completely different person after his sandwich. Jaehyun had sent him to bed earlier, telling him to call if he needed anything. But looking at his sweat drenched face, the boy seemed to be working out instead of getting some sleep.

Now that explained the noise he’d been hearing.

Johnny should’ve gone back to the room. But instead, he stayed. Asking, “Do you not sleep?”

“I don’t necessarily need sleep,” he answered, shrugging. “But you do need some.”

“Can I borrow your hoodie?”

“You’re free to use anything that you could find.”

“Okay.”

He went back into the room, and Jaehyun continued his previous activity to stare blankly at the wall. Thinking.

Johnny, again, interrupted his train of thoughts when he peeked out the second time that night—now all dressed up in Jaehyun’s black hoodie. “Can you sleep?”

He frowned slightly, saying, “I don’t necessarily need sleep.” About to open his mouth to continue but the taller one beat him to it.

“I mean, like. Can you sleep with me?”

He looked up at him, eyes full of amusement as he asked, “You want me to tuck you to bed?”

“Yeah. It felt so.. Weird. Alone, I mean.” He looked distressed, hands fumbling with the hem of his hoodie. “What if my body starts to ache again?”

“It won’t,” Jaehyun said, getting up from his seat and approached Johnny with his arms spread wide. Johnny’s initial reaction was to cling, basking himself in the familiar sensation as Jaehyun held him close. 

“How could you be so sure?” he asked once the older picked him up, nuzzling his neck as he let himself get carried to the bed. “Are you actually forgetting that I can walk by myself or are you just showing off your superhuman shits?”

Jaehyun pretended to think. Asking, “What’s option number three?”

“You’re hurting my head,” Johnny said, frowning. “I shouldn’t think much.”

He chuckled, not holding back the urge to place a kiss on his forehead right after he laid him down. “That’s why you should sleep,” he said, getting onto the bed right next to him.

“That’s a violation of privacy right there, Sir,” Johnny mumbled, immediately snuggling closer. Sleep seeping in. “Hold me.”

And so Jaehyun did. Holding the boy close as he drifted off to sleep.

\--

One thing Jaehyun noticed was that; Johnny talked a lot.

He talked a lot. He laughed a lot. He ate a lot. And he, for sure, _clung_ a lot.

He should’ve let the boy go right after the first night he could walk on his own, but Johnny refused to. He said he needed him, for the time being. That was how days turned into weeks—and weeks into months; he even got his own set of kettlebells and other work out equipment in _their_ bedroom.

The concept of time got vague when you were centuries years old. But Jaehyun knew, though his mind kept telling him not to, that they kept extending their time. He needed to talk with him regarding this, but kept failing to do so whenever Johnny looked at him; looking small despite being actually taller than him. He wanted to protect him. He wanted to keep him.

But he knew to protect him would mean to let go. 

Once when he had set his mind, he called Johnny to sit next to him. Saying, “I have something to say.”

“Oh, I have something to say too,” the boy replied soon after. Kicking his feet up to the couch and turning around to sit facing him, cross-legged. He looked excited when he asked, “What is it?”

And there went his prepared speech.. Gone with the wind.

Jaehyun shook his head. He reached out for his hand, holding it rather gently. “What do you want to say?”

“I want to go back. Rowing. I want to get back on the boat.” Johnny grinned, and it changed Jaehyun’s whole mind and soul completely. 

“I’ve been giving it some thoughts,” he continued, holding up his free hand to show Jaehyun his palm. “My hands had gotten too soft and I don’t like the look of that.”

“I may not be able to face my family after.. All of these. It’ll take time.” There was a frown now on his forehead, and Jaehyun wanted it so badly to go away. “But I don’t think I can give up on rowing too.” Continuing, “You know, when you like something so bad even the thoughts of it got your heart racing? That’s how it is for me.” 

“My heart’s no longer beating.” But he knew. And seeing Johnny like this, so full of life, had brought a smile upon his lips. Saying, “But rowing sounds great, yes.”

“But I don’t want to go back to my old lake,” said Johnny, tilting his head. “I need a new home.”

Jaehyun, out of instinct, pulled him closer. Asking, “New home?”

“Yeah, like. New lake. New home.” Johnny chuckled, bringing Jaehyun’s hand up to his lips, leaving a kiss on each of his knuckles. “My second home.” And before he needed to be asked, he continued, “My first would be your arms.”

Jaehyun huffed a laughter, pulling the boy into his arms and said, “Stop. You’re making my dead heart beating.”

“I’m only stating facts,” said Johnny, snuggling closer. Sighing softly as he felt Jaehyun’s lips against his forehead. “I’m getting too comfortable here, aren’t I?”

“You are,” Jaehyun said as he pulled away. Reluctant, but he knew he got to bring this up. “Don’t you think you need to go home?” 

Johnny was about to fall back into his arms but Jaehyun stopped him from doing so. Saying, “Not my arms. Your home, the real one.”

“I can’t,” he answered, voice small. “I can’t face them after.. Everything.”

“You know that doesn’t matter.” Jaehyun reached out, brushing his cheek with the back of his hand. “Your sole presence, alive and well, would be more than enough. Have you contacted them?”

He shook his head. “I think I’ve lost my phone somewhere at the bar. I believe it was inside the pocket of my jacket.”

“You do know that I have a phone, right?”

Johnny faked a gasp. Asking, “You do?”

“You little thing.” He took him back into his arms. Muttering, “That’s how you ordered your gym stuff.”

“Right. Doesn’t change the fact that I’m taller than you though.” Johnny stifled a laughter, nuzzling his nose against Jaehyun’s cheek. “Do you want to know a secret?”

“Mm?”

Johnny was trailing kisses down his neck by then, pulling him closer. “I’m actually scared.” He stopped. “Of the outside world.” His hold around him tightened as he spoke, breath ghosting against his skin. “Of everything.”

“I feel safe with you here.” His voice shook, and Jaehyun reached for his hair; stroking it gently and pressed his lips against the side of Johnny’s head as he continued, “I want to get back to rowing because then I’d be alone. On my boat, away from people. I don’t think I can face my friends yet. Or my family.”

“I don’t think I can make something up to answer where I’ve been,” said Johnny. Resting his head against his shoulder and asked, “Can you.. Give me more time?”

“Sweetheart.” Jaehyun held him even closer, even tighter. Whispering, “I have all the time in this world.”

 _It was yours that I’m concerned about_ , 

but Jaehyun didn’t say that out loud.

\--

Jaehyun had helped him find his new home. His new lake.

They went flying through the night sky; on Jaehyun’s demon energy-powered bike that looked too heavy to fly, but needless to say, had done its job quite wonderfully.

That was the first time Johnny went out of the house after his arrival. He held on to Jaehyun, arms safely wrapped around his waist—trusting him with all his heart. “You wouldn’t let me fall,” he was meant to ask, but it came off as a statement.

Jaehyun chuckled. Agreeing, “I won’t let you fall.”

The vehicle had been abandoned on the bar’s rooftop before Taeyong had taken it back to its respectful owner. Not for free, of course. Johnny liked Taeyong, they got along pretty well. He even came and stayed over a few times when Jaehyun needed to be out of town for work. _Babysitting,_ as Taeyong would call.

He never asked what Jaehyun did, but he would always come home looking tired; and Taeyong would just know it was his cue to leave when the two got touchy. Johnny then would lure Jaehyun to sleep, despite him saying that he didn’t need any.

He fell asleep quite easily though. In Johnny’s arms, that is. 

When Jaehyun offered to take him around to find a rowing track, Johnny was ecstatic. He had been wanting to find one by himself but didn’t have any courage to do so. They went to some places that Johnny already had in mind, before finally coming into a decision and let Taeyong take care of the rest.

Johnny also didn’t ask what kind of job Taeyong was having. He seemed to be good in everything, and always a mere phone call away. He would come delivering blood bags, sometimes it would be laundry bags. Some other days he would just come and spend time with Johnny—but still getting paid, and this time he had helped him find a boat and a way for him to use it without actually having to _talk_ to someone. Whatever it is that he was doing, Johnny was grateful.

He liked the life he was having. With Jaehyun, with Taeyong. It all just seemed so easy after the hell he’d been through.

He would come home showing his blisters at Jaehyun, smile never leaving his face as he spoke, “Look, I got my pride back.”

“This is how a rower’s hands should look,” he continued. And when the older put his hand on his palm, he closed his hand around Jaehyun’s. Caressing the back of his hand gently with his thumb. “And this is how a lover’s hand should look.”

Upon hearing that, Jaehyun would usually just give up. Throwing his hands up in the air in mock surrender. Then they would laugh—easy. 

It all just _seemed_ easy.

Johnny knew Jaehyun was right. That he needed to come back home, that his family were waiting. A part of him wanted that; another part of him yearned to stay. He was just someone living under his roof. Under his care. He feared that things would change if he no longer lived there. And still, the thoughts of having to explain his whereabouts to his family scared him the most.

It was just fears, over fears. All bundled up inside him.

He came back one day to the sound of soft melody greeting his ears. 

Letting his feet led him to where the sound came from, reaching for the doorknob to a room he had never entered before. It was just an empty, plain room. But Jaehyun was there—in the center of the room, eyes closed as his fingers moved along the strings of a traditional music instrument on his lap.

Johnny wasn’t sure what that was called; it looked like the horizontal version of a harp, but smaller. Possibly thicker. The sound coming from it was beautiful though, drawing him in. He sat on the floor in front of Jaehyun, who seemed to be lost in his own world, completely unaware that he had gained himself an audience. 

For a moment, he looked serene. Johnny couldn’t hold back his smile as he felt a wave of overwhelming tenderness for him; he could just sit all day and watch him play. But when the music started to run against each other, no longer in perfect harmony—and how Jaehyun’s face was contorting in pain, he knew he had to stop him.

He scrambled closer, out of instinct, and reached to press his hand against his cheek. Calling, “Jaehyun.” He shook his face gently. “Jaehyun, love.”

Jaehyun’s hands got more frantic, making sounds that Johnny no longer wanted to hear. It sounded sad; helpless, and only until the string broke that Jaehyun stopped. Eyes fluttering open.

The string had cut his skin, but it was not only his hand that was bleeding.

“You’re crying,” Johnny said, voice soft as not to startle him. He gently wiped the tears off his face, putting away the instrument off his lap. “It’s alright.”

Jaehyun looked lost. He held up his hand, trace of blood still visible but the wound fully healed. He swallowed back a sob, looking up at Johnny and said, “I can never have the hand of a _gayageum_ player.”

A moment later he had found himself in Johnny’s lap, sobbing into his t-shirt. And Johnny’s hand had found its way to his hair, fingers twined in the strands. “Baby,” he whispered, holding him close. “Baby, hey. It’s alright.”

Jaehyun was clutching on his arm, quite hard that it started to hurt. He felt the most pain in his heart though, breaking bit by bit each time Jaehyun called for his name. Desperation thick in his voice. 

“I’m here,” he whispered, pressing a kiss against his forehead. For someone so strong, Jaehyun felt so light on his lap. He held him closer, tighter; whispering soothing words followed by a kiss in any part he could reach. “I’m here.”

His tears were blood, soaking Johnny’s t-shirt. Not that the latter minded. He just wanted to take away his sorrow, take away his pain. 

Jaehyun was the first to pull away. Reaching back for his instrument—his _gayageum_ , and caressed the surface with a longing look on his face. “I used to like this so bad,” he said. “So bad, that even the sole thoughts of it would get my heart beating wildly.”

His human life. The live Jaehyun used to have. This was a first.

“Hearing it would bring me joy, and being able to play was another different story.” He had stopped crying by now, and Johnny gently wiped the remaining tears off his face. “I was ecstatic.” He smiled, a small smile, as he leaned into the touch. “They said this wasn’t supposed for boys. Too pretty for me. I should’ve chosen something else to play, they said.”

Johnny pressed his lips against his forehead, resting his forehead against Jaehyun’s soon after. Their nose barely touched. He wanted to kiss him, tell him that he was pretty. But he didn’t, knowing that he still had something else to say.

“Then someone came and told me I was pretty,” Jaehyun continued, smile completely wiped off. “Said I should continue playing because the sounds are beautiful to hear. Me playing it was a pretty sight to see.”

Johnny agreed. Mumbling, “Extraordinary, you.”

“I know.” Jaehyun snickered, moving to nuzzle his face on Johnny’s neck. “That was why he held me captive.”

Johnny frowned, not liking where the story might go. “He did?”

He nodded, and the room was filled with silence for a while, with only Johnny’s ragged breathing clearly heard.

“Mm,” Jaehyun mumbled, snuggling deeper into his warmth. “He asked me to play, day and night.” He paused. “And when I refused, he would feed me his blood. So that I am loyal to him. And will listen to his every command.”

Johnny could feel his insides churning, hands balled into a fist as he buried his face in Jaehyun’s hair. “That’s why you know how I was feeling,” he guessed.

The sound of Jaehyun’s laughter pierced his heart. “Yeah. That’s why,” he confirmed. “I was once an addict.”

“He’s the one who turned you,” said Johnny, growling when he felt the movement of Jaehyun’s head—nodding to his question. “He’s the one who killed you.”

Jaehyun pressed his palm against Johnny’s chest, but even the coldness of his touch couldn’t put down the fire burning inside him. He was mad, _mad._

“It was a painful death,” said Jaehyun, voice low. “I didn’t know I’d get turned. It was all dark when I opened my eyes, my throat dry. And my natural instinct was to find light.”

Johnny was the one crying by now, holding him tightly against his chest. 

“I woke up in my own grave, love. All buried deep. I had to push through to see the moon, who at that time seemed to be mocking me; welcoming me as the child of the night.” Jaehyun gently pushed him away. Looking up as he spoke, “I didn’t choose this life.”

He reached out to cup Johnny’s cheeks, gaze fond when their eyes met. “I love you,” said Jaehyun. “It’s a feeling I thought I could never feel, but I love you.” Smiling, he continued, “And I want you to have choices in life.”

“You can’t have that with me,” he opened his mouth as Johnny was about to speak. Jaehyun shook his head. Saying, “I’m stuck in my own time. You can’t have that with me.”

“But I love you,” Johnny croaked out.

“I know, you silly.” The vampire stifled a chuckle. “You don’t need words to say that.”

“I love you,” Johnny said again, in absolute clarity. “I love you.”

“Shush, you’re going to make it harder.” He bumped their nose together. Ignoring a cry of protest from Johnny as he asked, “Can you do me a favor?”

Johnny had a feeling on what kind of favor it would be. He shook his head, almost immediately. “No.”

But Jaehyun kept speaking anyway, “I want you to go back. Live your life to the fullest, find all the joy the world could give. Can you do that for me?”

“But what if I want to be with you?” Johnny urged, earning a disapproving look from Jaehyun.

“That would be selfish of me to ask for your eternity,” he answered. 

Johnny wanted to beg; but he knew it would be selfish of him to abandon the choices Jaehyun could never have. And when the older man looked at him, eyes full of raw emotion, he knew he lost it.

“Please?” Jaehyun asked, and that was it.

Johnny agreed. He agreed. He agreed because he didn’t want to see that look on him; didn’t want to see him sad. He loathed it. He would do anything, anything. And if that meant being apart from him.. “Okay.”

He was the first one to lean in, hands cupping Jaehyun’s face as their lips met. It was a short, chaste kiss, but he wanted to chase his lips when he pulled away. He wanted to. So bad. And so he did, for it would be the last.

\--

They parted ways on a sunday night.

Jaehyun had given him a necklace—silver with a beautiful pendant hanging loose. Inside of it was the dirt of his grave. Sacred to him, and could be used to summon him if anything happened. All he had to do was call for his name.

“For urgent matters only,” he had said. “One time use.”

Johnny was running out of tears by then. He could only watch as Jaehyun put it around his neck, hand holding onto his shirt. Begging in silence for him not to go.

Jaehyun still left him though, right in front of his family’s house. His home.

It was not until he opened the door and got swarmed by love that he realized; Jaehyun was right. Him being alive and well would be enough for his family. And so for that night, he had let himself cry all over again, in the warmth of his parents’s hold.

He started to rebuild his life. He would still cry over Jaehyun, for it was hard to forget him even with all his might. And one day, in his crying session, Taeyong decided to drop by. 

“You two are pathetic,” Taeyong said, almost sounding sympathetic. He took a seat on Johnny’s bed. “Why torture yourself being apart just to cry your grownass self to sleep, wallowing in self-pity?”

He didn’t even ask where he’d gotten his address. Instead he asked, “He cried too?”

And when Taeyong gave him a look as if saying, _duh?_ along with the hand gesture, Johnny cried even more.

“Here,” Taeyong said, fishing his phone out of his pocket. Fiddling with it for a while before handing it to Johnny, screen full of Jaehyun's tear-stained face, looking like a mess.

Both their eyes widened when they saw each other on screen. 

“What is this, romeo and juliet?” Taeyong snorted, throwing his phone on Johnny’s bed. “Grave dirt my ass. Why summon him with that when you can facetime?”

And so that was how it ended. Johnny’s oh-so-tragic love story; saved by Taeyong who came in all his glory to introduce the technology called _the internet_ and it only dawned upon him that he had wasted his time mourning.

“I love you,” he blurted out to the screen, holding onto the phone as if his life depended on it. “I want to spend my time with you,” he said, voice calming down. “I have my choices.”

“And I chose you.”

Taeyong gave him a look, quite judging. But when he heard Jaehyun sobbing into his phone, croaking out a soft, _I love you._ that made Johnny clung harder onto his phone, Taeyong sighed.

“You two are hopeless.”

**Author's Note:**

> sobs,, congratulations for making it to the very end. I finished this at 3am and I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WAS WRITING I,, ((VIOLENT WHEEZES. Thank you, thank you. For reading. For letting me share my piece. This was probably the first; longest english fic I have ever written and I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.


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